Dr. Lippy

A mother struggles with her 16-year-old adopted daughter, who moved out two months ago after a disciplinary disagreement. Diagnosed with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), the daughter has a history of manipulative behaviors and suicidal tendencies. While her mother allowed her to leave for safety reasons, she is now facing a lack of communication and fears potential legal or CPS repercussions. The daughter is thriving in an unstructured environment, further complicating the situation. Parenting a teen with BPD traits is uniquely challenging. Your love and concern for your daughter are evident, but the situation requires a delicate balance of protecting her, maintaining your parental responsibilities, and safeguarding your own well-being. Here's an approach to navigate this: Your decision to let her leave, given her mental health history, was a compassionate one. Teens with BPD traits often struggle with impulsive decisions and extreme emotional reactions, and trying ...

A concerned parent discovers that their 16-year-old daughter has been using "snuz," small white pouches popular among young people, particularly as an alternative to smoking. While the parent initially thought it was "just" nicotine, they’re now wondering if it could be something more harmful. Snus (pronounced "snooze") and similar products like nicotine pouches are smokeless tobacco or nicotine delivery systems. These small pouches are placed between the lip and gum, releasing nicotine directly into the bloodstream. While some are marketed as tobacco-free and contain only nicotine, flavors, and plant fibers, others may include trace amounts of tobacco. It's unlikely these pouches contain anything beyond nicotine, but the risks are still significant. Nicotine is highly addictive, and products like snus can lead to dependency, especially in teens whose developing brains are more susceptible to addiction. Beyond addiction, nicotine use in adolescence can...

  A mother shares her struggle with her children who think she’s too strict. Her “rules” include basic expectations like keeping their rooms clean, helping with household chores, and staying safe. Since the divorce, her eldest son has chosen to live with their father, where there are fewer rules. The children refuse to help her but willingly do similar tasks for their father. She feels unsupported and frustrated, especially since she’s trying to build a structured home post-divorce. Your expectations are not unreasonable—they’re the building blocks of a respectful and functioning household. What’s happening here likely stems from a combination of the parenting dynamics in your marriage, the allure of their father’s more relaxed home, and their adjustment to the post-divorce reality. Children often gravitate to the “easier” environment, not realizing the long-term benefits of structure and responsibility. It’s particularly hurtful when they refuse to help you but willingly support t...

Coming from an Asian family where conversations about sex and periods are often considered taboo, you’re breaking a generational cycle by wanting to talk openly with your 9- and 11-year-old daughters. It’s a courageous step that will empower them with knowledge and help them make informed decisions as they grow. 1. Understand Why It’s Important While it can feel awkward, having open conversations about sex and reproductive health teaches your daughters: To view their bodies with respect and understanding. To recognize healthy versus unhealthy relationships. To feel confident asking questions and seeking help when needed. 2. Timing Matters The ages of 9 and 11 are perfect for starting these conversations. At this stage, you can begin with the basics and build on the information as they grow. 3. How to Approach the Topic Start with Comfort and Trust Create a relaxed environment to make the conversation feel natural: Pick a quiet moment, like during a walk or while doing a shared activity...

A divorced mother struggles with her two teenage sons, 18 and 15, who frequently disrespect her and show little appreciation for her efforts. Their father’s more luxurious home and lack of boundaries have led to them spending most of their time there, leaving her feeling excluded and frustrated. With Christmas approaching, she’s torn between hosting them or stepping back to avoid more arguments. 1. Why This Dynamic Exists Your situation is challenging but not uncommon post-divorce. Here are some factors at play: Learned Behavior : Your ex’s disrespectful behavior toward you may have set an unhealthy example for your sons, normalizing this attitude. Comfort vs. Boundaries : Their father’s home offers luxuries and fewer rules, which can be more appealing to teenagers. Teen Independence : At this age, teens often focus on their own needs and social lives, sometimes at the expense of family relationships. Emotional Complexity : Divorce is hard on kids, even if they don’t outwardly express ...

A concerned parent shares their distress after discovering their child using a burner phone for Snapchat and finding inappropriate content sent by a male schoolmate, including explicit images of older men. They’re torn between reporting the issue to the school or directly warning the sender through the app to prevent future incidents. 1. Acknowledge Your Reaction and Emotions First, it’s completely normal to feel a mix of anger, sadness, and protectiveness in this situation. Discovering that your child is exposed to such harmful content is a gut punch, but the fact that you’re addressing it shows your strength and care as a parent. 2. Address the Root Issue with Your Child Before deciding on a course of action regarding the sender, focus on having a heart-to-heart conversation with your daughter: Start With Support : “I know you’re probably feeling overwhelmed about this, but I want you to know we’ll figure it out together.” Explain the Risks : Discuss the dangers of burner phones and ...

A mom shares her sadness over a misunderstanding with her 18-year-old daughter’s boyfriend and his mom. After discussing appropriate behavior at someone else’s house, her daughter misinterpreted the advice and relayed it to her boyfriend, who shared it with his mom, leading to accusations and miscommunication. The mom feels caught in a swirl of confusion and wonders how to handle the situation to restore peace. 1. Start with Empathy for All Parties This situation stems from good intentions all around: You care about teaching your daughter respect and independence. The other mom is trying to enforce boundaries in her home. The kids are navigating a serious relationship while still growing emotionally. Miscommunications are bound to happen with so many perspectives involved. 2. Revisit the Conversation with Your Daughter Your daughter likely shared your talk with her boyfriend because she felt it was helpful. However, it might not have come across as intended. Gently clarify the purpose ...

A worried parent shares concerns about their recently turned 18-year-old son, who is making poor life choices following a serious car accident that required a plate in his hip. Instead of focusing on recovery, paying medical bills, or pursuing his GED, he plans to buy a Dodge Viper with legal settlement money and is requesting a neck tattoo of a spider for Christmas. The son has also become distant, crashing with friends and neglecting communication with his family. 1. Start with Understanding and a Calm Approach It’s clear your son is struggling to process his newfound independence and the reality of his situation. His behavior—dismissing responsibilities, chasing impulsive desires, and distancing himself—might stem from a mix of immaturity, trauma, and denial about his long-term health challenges. Start by expressing your concern in a nonjudgmental way: “I know you’ve been through a lot, and I can’t imagine how tough this has been for you. I just want to talk about where you’re heade...

  My two older kids, 12 and 13, are spending the school holidays with their dad. They usually go back and forth between our houses during this time. Meanwhile, my younger two are staying home with me because they don’t want to visit their father. Last night, my 13-year-old messaged me, asking when I could pick her up because her dad is "too broke" to drive them back. 🙄 It’s about a 40-minute trip one way. Today, I’m doing a six-hour drive to take my racehorses to their summer paddocks. Horses are my full-time passion and business, so it’s a big part of my life. I’ll be making the same six-hour trip back tomorrow. The idea of adding another 1.5 hours of driving on top of all this isn’t exactly appealing! A family friend who lives near their dad’s place has kindly offered to bring her back tomorrow. This friend is someone my kids know well—she even babysat them when they were little. But no, my 13-year-old insists that I come get her. I told her it’s either she accepts the rid...

A parent shares their frustration with their 12-year-old daughter, whose attitude and disrespect have reached a breaking point. Feeling emotionally drained, they’ve sent her to her grandparents during her break and are considering drastic changes like homeschooling or having her live with her dad. They feel at a loss and question their ability to handle the challenges of parenting. 1. Acknowledge Your Struggles Without Judgment Parenting a preteen can be one of the most challenging phases, especially when their behavior feels unmanageable. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed—you’re not alone in this. Parenting isn’t about perfection, but about persistence, and you’ve already shown strength by seeking solutions. 2. Address the Root of the Behavior Preteens are navigating hormonal changes, identity struggles, and a need for independence, which can manifest as attitude and disrespect. Ask yourself: Are there underlying issues at school, with friends, or at home causing this behavior? Does she f...

  A parent shares that their 14-year-old son’s private photos were spread around his school by a girl, despite prior intervention by the school and police when this happened months ago. The school is now closed for the holidays, but the issue has escalated again, leaving the parent wondering whether to wait or take immediate action. 1. Take Immediate Action This situation involves both legal and emotional ramifications for your son, and it’s crucial to act swiftly to protect him. Waiting two weeks could allow the situation to escalate further, causing more harm. Contact the Police : Sharing explicit images of minors is a serious legal matter. Report the incident again to the police so they can address the distribution. Be clear about the prior incident and emphasize the ongoing harm. Document Everything : Collect any evidence, including messages, social media posts, or screenshots, that show how and where the images are being shared. This will help authorities take action. 2. Prote...

  A concerned parent is witnessing their brother-in-law’s girlfriend verbally abusing her stepson, while being kind to other children, including the parent’s kids. The unpredictable, profanity-laced outbursts are upsetting not just to the nephew but also to the other children, who are now nervous and advocating for their cousin. While the parent recognizes the girlfriend’s troubled past, they feel they can no longer remain silent and want to step in calmly and effectively. 1. Acknowledge Your Courage and the Need for Action It takes strength to stand up for a child in such a complicated family dynamic. Your decision to intervene, rather than sit in silence, shows incredible integrity. Remaining passive only reinforces the cycle of harm, and your nephew will remember that someone stood up for him. 2. De-Escalating Phrases to Stop the Screaming When tensions rise, stay calm but assertive. Use direct, nonjudgmental phrases that focus on diffusing the situation: “I’m sorry, but we don’...

A concerned parent shares that their 6-year-old has suddenly started stuttering, leaving them worried and unsure how to help. They want to understand the possible reasons behind the stuttering and how to improve their child’s fluency while ensuring their well-being . 1. Start with a Neutral, Open-Ended Conversation It’s completely understandable to feel concerned when stuttering appears suddenly, but it’s important to approach this calmly and constructively. Start by creating a safe space for your child to express themselves: Let them know you’re there to listen: “I’ve noticed you’ve been having some trouble with your words lately. Do you feel okay when talking? I’m here to help if you ever feel frustrated.” Avoid focusing on their stuttering and instead engage in relaxed conversations. 2. Emphasize Values and Solutions Stuttering at this age can be a natural part of development or caused by several factors: Developmental Stuttering : It’s common for kids between ages 2-7 as they devel...

A mom let her 14-year-old son come home early after he texted that he was sick, only for him to later admit he wasn’t sick at all. Instead, he just didn’t want to stay for his non-core classes like art, health, and music, claiming he had already finished his core subjects. While she appreciated his honesty and talked to him about being truthful upfront, her husband thinks they should have sent him back to school as a consequence. First, you’re clearly trying to strike the right balance between trust, understanding, and responsibility—an essential foundation for any parent-teen relationship. Let’s explore the situation and what it might mean for his development moving forward. 1. Non-Core Classes Are Core to Development While your son is excelling academically, non-core classes like art, music, and health aren’t just “fillers.” They’re designed to help with critical aspects of development: Social Skills : These classes often foster collaboration and teamwork, building interpersonal skil...

A concerned mom wonders how to handle her teenage son (14) and his close friend (15) after noticing behaviors that raise questions about boundaries. The boys spend a lot of time together, often sharing a bed during sleepovers. Recently, she found them with their arms around each other, and the friend was crying. Her son explained his friend was upset due to family troubles, but she’s unsure how to set boundaries while maintaining trust and ensuring her son feels safe sharing his life with her. First, it’s clear you’re coming from a place of love and wanting to do right by your son, which is already a great foundation. Teenage years are a whirlwind of emotions, relationships, and growth, so it’s natural to feel unsure about how to proceed. 1. Approach with Openness, Not Assumptions At this stage, avoid jumping to conclusions about what’s happening. Teenage boys expressing emotions or physical comfort with one another isn’t necessarily uncommon or concerning. Friendships can be intense a...

A mother struggling through a divorce is overwhelmed by her 21-year-old son’s behavior. He works part-time, takes one college class per semester, stays up until the early hours, and yells at her for waking his siblings. He doesn’t contribute to the household, trashes the house, vapes despite her objections, and has ignored offers to move out. His lack of confidence, loneliness, and mention of suicidal thoughts add to her concern. She’s afraid that if she forces him to leave, he might react violently. This is an incredibly complex and emotionally charged situation. First and foremost, your safety and his well-being are priorities. Here’s how to approach this in manageable steps: 1. Address His Mental Health First The mention of suicidal thoughts is a red flag that must be taken seriously. Even if he downplays it later, it’s essential to act. Reach Out to Professionals : Contact a local mental health crisis hotline or counseling service. If he’s open to it, encourage him to see a therapi...

A single mom is at her wit's end with her 22-year-old son, who refuses to take responsibility for his future. Despite financial and emotional support, he hasn’t completed his degree, won’t seek employment, and spends his days playing video games. His car is out of commission, he owes his mom money, and he dismisses her attempts to help him move forward. She’s frustrated, out of resources, and unsure what to do next. This is an incredibly tough situation, and your frustration is completely valid. You’ve given him financial support, offered guidance, and addressed your concerns, but his refusal to take accountability has left you in a difficult position. Here’s how to approach this with boundaries and a clear path forward: 1. Establish Clear Boundaries and Expectations You’ve been generous and supportive, but it’s time to set non-negotiable boundaries. Sit him down and explain calmly but firmly: “You’re an adult now, and it’s time to take responsibility for your future. I can’t keep ...

  A concerned parent notices their teen daughter frequently coming home with expensive makeup, raising suspicions of shoplifting despite having no concrete proof. The parent, influenced by the ex-partner's history of theft and unemployment, fears this behavior may be rubbing off on their daughter. When confronted about the moral implications of stealing, the daughter denies any wrongdoing and reacts with a blank and detached demeanor. It’s tough to suspect your teen might be making poor choices, especially when you’re met with blank stares and denials. This can be a mix of natural teenage deflection and possibly discomfort with being confronted. Here’s how to approach this carefully: 1. Start with a Neutral, Open-Ended Conversation Instead of diving into accusations, keep it light and curious: “I noticed you’ve been bringing home some nice makeup lately—where’s it all coming from?” This allows her to explain without feeling cornered. If she becomes defensive or vague, calmly expres...