When Parenting Feels Overwhelming: Finding a Path Forward with Your Tween


A parent shares their frustration with their 12-year-old daughter, whose attitude and disrespect have reached a breaking point. Feeling emotionally drained, they’ve sent her to her grandparents during her break and are considering drastic changes like homeschooling or having her live with her dad. They feel at a loss and question their ability to handle the challenges of parenting.

1. Acknowledge Your Struggles Without Judgment
Parenting a preteen can be one of the most challenging phases, especially when their behavior feels unmanageable. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed—you’re not alone in this. Parenting isn’t about perfection, but about persistence, and you’ve already shown strength by seeking solutions.

2. Address the Root of the Behavior
Preteens are navigating hormonal changes, identity struggles, and a need for independence, which can manifest as attitude and disrespect. Ask yourself:

  • Are there underlying issues at school, with friends, or at home causing this behavior?
  • Does she feel heard or understood in daily interactions?

Starting with curiosity rather than confrontation can open the door to understanding her struggles.

3. Open the Lines of Communication
When things cool down, have a calm, nonjudgmental conversation with her:

  • “I’ve noticed we’ve been struggling to get along lately, and I want to understand what’s going on with you.”
  • “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I know this isn’t easy for either of us. Can we work together to make things better?”

Giving her a safe space to express herself without fear of punishment may help her open up.

4. Set Clear Boundaries with Consistent Consequences
Preteens test limits, so it’s important to enforce clear rules and consequences:

  • Define unacceptable behaviors and their repercussions.
  • Stick to consistent enforcement—kids feel safer when boundaries are predictable.

For example:

  • If she speaks disrespectfully, calmly say: “I’m not going to respond until you speak respectfully.” Then follow through.

5. Reconnect and Rebuild
Make time for positive moments to rebuild your connection:

  • Spend one-on-one time doing an activity she enjoys.
  • Compliment her efforts or achievements, no matter how small.

These moments can remind both of you why your relationship matters.

6. Seek Support if Needed
If her behavior doesn’t improve or you’re still feeling overwhelmed, consider family counseling. A professional can provide tools for communication and help uncover deeper issues.

Resources

  1. Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour (Amazon)
  2. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (Amazon)
  3. Calm Down Jar – A visual aid to help manage emotions for both parent and child (Amazon)
  4. Child Mind Institute (www.childmind.org) – Resources for behavioral and emotional challenges in children.
  5. The Bridge – A supportive online community for parents navigating tough situations.

7. Give Yourself Grace
You’re doing your best, and it’s okay to feel stretched thin. Parenting isn’t easy, especially during the preteen years, but your love and determination will make a difference. Take it one step at a time—you’re stronger than you think.

#parentingstruggles #parentingteens #familydynamics #parentingtips #raisingdaughters #preteenparenting #behavioralchallenges #mentalhealthsupport #coparenting #childdevelopment #parentingsupport #familycommunication #positiveparenting #parentingadvice #emotionalwellbeing #selfcareforparents #disciplinewithlove #strongparenting #resilientkids #parentingjourney #parentingchallenges #raisingstrongkids #supportforparents #childbehavior #positivediscipline #familywellbeing

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