Navigating Parenting Challenges with a Runaway Teen Diagnosed with BPD Traits


A mother struggles with her 16-year-old adopted daughter, who moved out two months ago after a disciplinary disagreement. Diagnosed with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), the daughter has a history of manipulative behaviors and suicidal tendencies. While her mother allowed her to leave for safety reasons, she is now facing a lack of communication and fears potential legal or CPS repercussions. The daughter is thriving in an unstructured environment, further complicating the situation.

Parenting a teen with BPD traits is uniquely challenging. Your love and concern for your daughter are evident, but the situation requires a delicate balance of protecting her, maintaining your parental responsibilities, and safeguarding your own well-being. Here's an approach to navigate this:

Your decision to let her leave, given her mental health history, was a compassionate one. Teens with BPD traits often struggle with impulsive decisions and extreme emotional reactions, and trying to force her to stay could have escalated the situation. That said, you are still her legal guardian and have a responsibility to ensure her safety.

Her narrative of being “kicked out” is likely a way to gain sympathy, which is common in teens with BPD who fear rejection or abandonment. While it’s frustrating, try to approach this with empathy rather than defensiveness. Her behavior reflects her internal struggles, not a reflection of your parenting.

Reporting her as a runaway could protect you legally, but it’s important to weigh the consequences carefully. Involving authorities might provoke her and lead to exaggerated accusations, but not doing so could leave you vulnerable if CPS intervenes. Documenting your efforts to stay in touch with her and ensure her safety is key. Save texts, keep notes of attempts to communicate, and record any concerns you’ve addressed about her well-being.

If you know where she’s staying, consider reaching out calmly to the responsible adult in that household. Explain your position as her legal guardian and express concern for her safety. Frame the conversation in terms of collaboration, not conflict. For example:

  • “I know she feels more comfortable staying with you right now, and I appreciate that you’re giving her a place to be safe. However, I’m still responsible for her legally and emotionally, so I’d like to ensure we’re all on the same page about her well-being.”

Seeking professional guidance is also crucial. A family therapist familiar with BPD traits can help you navigate this situation, offering tools to manage her behaviors and rebuild communication. If she’s willing, encourage her to continue therapy to address the underlying emotional challenges contributing to her actions.

Resources

  1. Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson (Amazon)
  2. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger (Amazon)
  3. Communication Journal – A tool to document interactions and efforts to maintain contact (Amazon)
  4. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – Resources for families dealing with mental health challenges.
  5. The Bridge – A supportive community for navigating complex parenting dynamics.

Your compassion and willingness to seek advice show how deeply you care for your daughter, even in this difficult time. By staying calm, documenting your efforts, and seeking professional support, you’re doing everything you can to navigate this challenging situation while keeping both your daughter’s well-being and your own in mind.

#parentingteens #mentalhealthawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #parentingchallenges #familydynamics #teenbehavior #parentingsupport #copingwithteens #mentalhealthsupport #emotionalhealth #familywellbeing #positivediscipline #boundariesmatter #teenmentalhealth #parentingwisdom #supportforparents #navigatingconflict #compassionateparenting #legalprotection #emotionalwellbeing #familyrelationships #mentalhealthmatters #raisingteensuccessfully #mentalhealthadvocacy #parentingjourney

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