A delightful rant from the world of “custodial parent privilege”?

 


My two older kids, 12 and 13, are spending the school holidays with their dad. They usually go back and forth between our houses during this time. Meanwhile, my younger two are staying home with me because they don’t want to visit their father.

Last night, my 13-year-old messaged me, asking when I could pick her up because her dad is "too broke" to drive them back. 🙄 It’s about a 40-minute trip one way.

Today, I’m doing a six-hour drive to take my racehorses to their summer paddocks. Horses are my full-time passion and business, so it’s a big part of my life. I’ll be making the same six-hour trip back tomorrow. The idea of adding another 1.5 hours of driving on top of all this isn’t exactly appealing!

A family friend who lives near their dad’s place has kindly offered to bring her back tomorrow. This friend is someone my kids know well—she even babysat them when they were little. But no, my 13-year-old insists that I come get her.

I told her it’s either she accepts the ride with our friend or her dad puts her on a bus. Why should I be the one to do all the driving? He’s not broke; he’s just being lazy and manipulative, still trying to control me in his own way.

Teenagers just don’t seem to get it sometimes. I wish she’d just get in the car with my friend and save me the extra drive. 🙄 Just needed to vent!

My Response:

Well, isn’t this a delightful rant from the world of “custodial parent privilege”? Let me, a 52-year-old man who’s been through the ringer of the system, give you a little perspective on this whole “he’s not broke, he’s just lazy” claim.

Let’s do some math here, shall we? Most dads in shared custody or child support situations are handing over 27% of their pretax income—because, of course, the government gets their cut first. After that, another 27% (or more) goes to taxes, leaving us with a whopping 46% of our earnings to work with. Out of that, we’ve got to pay for rent or a mortgage, utilities, health insurance, food (both ours and theirs when we’re together), transportation, and every little extra activity the kids beg for when they’re with us. Oh, and maybe—just maybe—we’d like to save a dime for emergencies or retirement.

You know what’s left after all that? Not much. And yet, you want to wag your finger and call him “lazy”? Lady, there were weeks I couldn’t take my kids because I didn’t have enough money to feed them or put gas in the car to make it to work. Imagine having to tell your kids, “Sorry, you can’t come over because I can’t afford it,” and then being called “lazy” by the other parent who’s busy with their expensive hobby. Horses, huh? Must be nice.

And let’s talk about your “friend’s generous offer” to bring your kid back. Instead of teaching your teenager about compromise or that life doesn’t revolve around her whims, you’re here ranting because she won’t make it easier for you. Newsflash: it’s not about you or your convenience. You want her dad to step up? Fine. But don’t expect him to magically have more resources than the system leaves him with.

Here’s a thought: maybe give the guy a break. If he’s too broke to drive, maybe it’s because 54% of his paycheck is gone before he even starts to live his life. Meanwhile, you’re out galloping around like life’s a never-ending episode of Yellowstone. Show a little perspective.

Oh, and good luck convincing your kid to ride with your friend tomorrow. I’m sure your “lazy” ex will handle the fallout—like he probably does with everything else you don’t feel like dealing with. Cheers! 

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