Well, my 17-year-old lost his job today

 

A Reader Asks:

"Well, my 17-year-old lost his job today, got six fines in the mail last week, officially loses his license next week (the first of four 3-month stints), and then just walked out.

I don’t know if I’m relieved, gutted, destroyed, or just plain numb. Watching your kid destroy their life while avoiding all responsibility is the most heartbreaking, soul-crushing thing I never knew I’d signed up for as a parent.

Sorry, just needed to vent to people who might understand this despair when kids go so far off the rails."*

The Answer:
First, let’s just acknowledge the obvious: parenting teenagers is like trying to steer a car with no brakes while blindfolded. And it sounds like your 17-year-old isn’t just off the rails; he’s plowing through the entire station.

1. You’re Allowed to Feel ALL the Feels

Relief, guilt, heartbreak—yeah, it’s all in the stew. There’s no manual for handling this kind of chaos, but know that it’s okay to feel everything, even if it’s contradictory. “Am I sad? Angry? Low-key relieved he walked out?” Yes. All of it.

2. Let Him Walk (But Leave the Door Cracked)

Sometimes, stepping back is the only way to let them see what life looks like without you cushioning their every fall. Let him experience the real-world consequences he’s been dodging.

  • “You lost your job? That’s tough. What’s your plan?”
  • “You’re losing your license? How are you going to get around?”

Notice how these aren’t offers to help—they’re opportunities for him to reflect.

3. Set Your Boundaries (for Your Sanity)

If he walks back in tomorrow with the same attitude, it’s time for the “House Rules Refresher.”

  • Fines: “You racked them up; you figure out how to pay them off.”
  • License: “I’m not a chauffeur. Losing your license means finding your own solutions.”

Boundaries aren’t just for him; they’re for you too, so you don’t burn out trying to fix what isn’t yours to fix.

4. Stay the Anchor (Even When He’s the Tornado)

He might be spinning out of control, but you’re the steadying force he’ll need when he’s ready to rebuild.

  • Be firm, but also remind him: “I’m here when you’re ready to take responsibility. Until then, my love for you doesn’t change, even if my patience is thin.”

Books to Get You Through This Rollercoaster:


  1. “Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager” by Scott P. Sells

    • Perfect for helping parents regain control while giving teens accountability.


  2. “The Defiant Teen” by Russell Barkley and Arthur L. Robin

    • Focuses on practical steps to handle defiance and rebuild trust.


  3. “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté

    • A reminder that staying connected—even when it’s tough—is critical.

Remember, he’s 17—his brain is still cooking, and right now, it’s set to “bad decision stew.” It doesn’t make it easier, but someday he’ll thank you for staying steady while he was busy learning everything the hard way. Until then, pour yourself a drink and keep that therapist on speed dial.

Worth a shot?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My daughter’s pediatrician is concerned that my daughter has an eating disorder.

Image
  "My daughter’s pediatrician is concerned that my daughter has an eating disorder. She lost almost 10lbs since September. She used to be bigger than all her friends since she was in middle school. She likes eating but no exercise or any movement. She used to eat too much sweet and sugary drinks. We were worried about her eating habit because she gained too much weight rapidly in unhealthy ways. Last year, she started hanging out with some girls who are in cheerleading. They hardly eat, and they are very thin. My daughter stopped eating snacks this school year. She started running. I thought it was all good signs until we found out that our daughter tried to throw up at least twice last week. I found food she spit in the toilet because she forgot to flush it. The pediatrician recommended some dieticians, but it is not affordable with no insurance coverage. Any suggestions and advice would be appreciated. Thank you." My Take: First, let me acknowledge how hard this must be fo...
Read more

When SnapChat and Burner Phones Cross the Line: Handling Inappropriate Content

Image
A concerned parent shares their distress after discovering their child using a burner phone for Snapchat and finding inappropriate content sent by a male schoolmate, including explicit images of older men. They’re torn between reporting the issue to the school or directly warning the sender through the app to prevent future incidents. 1. Acknowledge Your Reaction and Emotions First, it’s completely normal to feel a mix of anger, sadness, and protectiveness in this situation. Discovering that your child is exposed to such harmful content is a gut punch, but the fact that you’re addressing it shows your strength and care as a parent. 2. Address the Root Issue with Your Child Before deciding on a course of action regarding the sender, focus on having a heart-to-heart conversation with your daughter: Start With Support : “I know you’re probably feeling overwhelmed about this, but I want you to know we’ll figure it out together.” Explain the Risks : Discuss the dangers of burner phones and ...
Read more

Mom Feels Caught in a Swirl of Confusion: How to Handle This Misunderstanding

Image
A mom shares her sadness over a misunderstanding with her 18-year-old daughter’s boyfriend and his mom. After discussing appropriate behavior at someone else’s house, her daughter misinterpreted the advice and relayed it to her boyfriend, who shared it with his mom, leading to accusations and miscommunication. The mom feels caught in a swirl of confusion and wonders how to handle the situation to restore peace. 1. Start with Empathy for All Parties This situation stems from good intentions all around: You care about teaching your daughter respect and independence. The other mom is trying to enforce boundaries in her home. The kids are navigating a serious relationship while still growing emotionally. Miscommunications are bound to happen with so many perspectives involved. 2. Revisit the Conversation with Your Daughter Your daughter likely shared your talk with her boyfriend because she felt it was helpful. However, it might not have come across as intended. Gently clarify the purpose ...
Read more