Unfortunately, there is a child's funeral to attend soon. My 16-year-old wants to attend with us.

 


"Unfortunately, there is a child's funeral to attend soon. My 16-year-old wants to attend with us. I am not sure what to do. Part of me wants to protect her from the potential trauma, and part of me thinks she needs to attend for her own grieving process. She lost a very close adult relative last year and dwells on death. She is in psychology and counseling."

My Take: First, let me say, you’re approaching this with the right mindset. It’s clear you want to balance protecting your daughter while respecting her ability to navigate grief. At 16, she’s old enough to be part of this decision, especially since she’s already processing emotions with the help of counseling.

Talk openly with her about what to expect at the funeral. Explain that it can be emotionally heavy, but also a space for support, love, and closure. Ask why she feels the need to attend—if it’s about her grieving process, this might be an important part of healing. However, if she’s going out of obligation or curiosity, it might not be the best decision for her mental health right now.

You could offer a middle ground: She can attend the service but step away if it becomes overwhelming. Or, if she decides not to go, suggest alternative ways to grieve, such as writing a letter, creating a small memorial, or talking about the child with trusted family members.

Helpful Resources:

  1. "When Kids Ask Hard Questions About Death" by Wendy Lichtenthal – A thoughtful guide to help teens process grief (available on Amazon).
  2. The Dougy Center – An excellent resource for grieving children and teens with tips for navigating loss.

And remember: Grief is messy and personal. Letting her feel a sense of control over her choices during this time can empower her to face tough emotions in a healthy way.

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