my son is almost 15, and my major problem is keeping him away from bad influences

 


A Reader Asks:

*"Good morning, my son is almost 15, and my major problem is keeping him away from bad influences. He hangs out with kids who take drugs, steal, and skip school. I’m ashamed of his friendships, and it’s affecting his academics and behavior—he’s tried vaping, stealing, and skipping class.

I’ve told him good friends aren’t hard to find, but nothing changes. I also know forbidding him to see them could backfire. How do I get him to change direction?"*

The Answer:
Ah, 15-year-old boys—a mix of raging hormones, questionable decisions, and the inexplicable ability to be the only one in the family who can’t see the red flags waving in their friend group. Let’s tackle this with humor, strategy, and a side of parental Jedi mind tricks.

1. Stop Telling Him to Choose Better Friends—Show Him

Telling your son his friends are bad news is like telling a toddler not to touch the stove: it’s practically an invitation to prove you wrong. Instead, focus on showing him what positive friendships look like.

  • Invite his “good” friends or teammates for a casual hangout. Seeing them in a different context might remind him they’re better influences.
  • Get him involved in activities outside his usual circle—sports, clubs, volunteering. The busier he is, the less time he has for the trouble squad.

2. Have the ‘Good vs. Bad Consequences’ Talk (Without Preaching)

Adolescents love to rebel, but they also hate consequences. Use this to your advantage:

  • “If you keep skipping school, it won’t be long before the school calls us both in for a meeting. Let’s avoid that awkwardness, yeah?”
  • Spell out the connection between his behavior and his goals. “You want a car? Bad grades and tardies don’t get you there, bud.”

3. Limit the Drama, Up the Curiosity

Instead of losing your cool when you see him with the wrong crowd, try this:

  • “What do you like about hanging out with them?”
  • “What do you think you’re learning from them?”
    This approach puts the ball in his court and might make him reconsider why he’s so drawn to them.

4. Stay One Step Ahead (Without Being Overbearing)

Sure, you don’t want to forbid him outright, but you can outsmart him.

  • Suggest alternatives when he plans to hang out: “Why not invite [insert decent friend’s name] over instead?”
  • Keep him busy with things he genuinely enjoys—whether it’s gaming, sports, or helping with a family project.

Books to Help You Tame the Chaos:


  1. “How to Raise an Adult” by Julie Lythcott-Haims

    • A fantastic guide to giving teens independence while guiding them toward better decisions.


  2. “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic” by Charles Fay and Foster Cline

    • Offers practical advice on helping your teen learn accountability.


  3. “The Teenage Brain” by Frances E. Jensen

    • Great for understanding what’s going on in your son’s head during these turbulent years.

Parenting a 15-year-old is like playing Whack-a-Mole: just when you think you’ve solved one issue, another one pops up. But with humor, strategy, and a lot of snacks (for you, not him), you can nudge him toward better choices.

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