My son is almost 13, on the spectrum, and I'm pretty sure he has PDA (pathological demand avoidance)


 "My son is almost 13, on the spectrum, and I'm pretty sure he has PDA (pathological demand avoidance). Coupled with hormones. And it has been a war zone sometimes, and I absolutely cannot keep going like this. I need help.

For example, he gets mad and snippy at me when there's consequences and discipline, and acts like I'm being mean even though I asked nicely 30 times. Or when he's confronted about something, he literally tells me to just stop talking about it. I can't just 'stop' when things need to be addressed.

And it's been going on like this for so long that I'm snapping. 0 to 100."

My Take: You’re not alone—welcome to the Thunderdome of parenting a preteen with PDA and hormones. It’s like someone put your life on a reality show called “Calmly Losing It”. First off, cut yourself some slack. You’re managing a cocktail of teenage angst, autism, and a healthy dose of "I-know-better-than-you" attitude. That’s a lot, and the fact you’re still standing deserves a trophy—or at least a really big coffee.

With PDA, traditional discipline strategies often backfire. You’ve asked nicely 30 times? PDA kids interpret that as, “Let me see if I can push her to 40!” Try turning it into a game: “Bet you can’t clean your room in under 5 minutes!” You’re not caving—you’re ninja-parenting.

Also, humor can be your secret weapon. The next time he says, “Stop talking about it,” respond with, “I would, but the Wi-Fi’s down in my brain.” It might defuse the tension—or at least buy you a smirk.

Finally, remember: It’s okay to step away when you’re at 100. Lock yourself in the bathroom, text a friend, scream into a pillow—whatever it takes to reset. You’ve got this.

Helpful Resources:

  1. "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene – Because sometimes parenting feels like negotiating with a tiny emotional grenade.
  2. Autism Parenting Magazine – Offers practical tips with a side of sanity-saving advice.

And remember: The goal isn’t to win the battle—it’s to survive the war with your humor intact.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My daughter’s pediatrician is concerned that my daughter has an eating disorder.

Image
  "My daughter’s pediatrician is concerned that my daughter has an eating disorder. She lost almost 10lbs since September. She used to be bigger than all her friends since she was in middle school. She likes eating but no exercise or any movement. She used to eat too much sweet and sugary drinks. We were worried about her eating habit because she gained too much weight rapidly in unhealthy ways. Last year, she started hanging out with some girls who are in cheerleading. They hardly eat, and they are very thin. My daughter stopped eating snacks this school year. She started running. I thought it was all good signs until we found out that our daughter tried to throw up at least twice last week. I found food she spit in the toilet because she forgot to flush it. The pediatrician recommended some dieticians, but it is not affordable with no insurance coverage. Any suggestions and advice would be appreciated. Thank you." My Take: First, let me acknowledge how hard this must be fo...
Read more

When SnapChat and Burner Phones Cross the Line: Handling Inappropriate Content

Image
A concerned parent shares their distress after discovering their child using a burner phone for Snapchat and finding inappropriate content sent by a male schoolmate, including explicit images of older men. They’re torn between reporting the issue to the school or directly warning the sender through the app to prevent future incidents. 1. Acknowledge Your Reaction and Emotions First, it’s completely normal to feel a mix of anger, sadness, and protectiveness in this situation. Discovering that your child is exposed to such harmful content is a gut punch, but the fact that you’re addressing it shows your strength and care as a parent. 2. Address the Root Issue with Your Child Before deciding on a course of action regarding the sender, focus on having a heart-to-heart conversation with your daughter: Start With Support : “I know you’re probably feeling overwhelmed about this, but I want you to know we’ll figure it out together.” Explain the Risks : Discuss the dangers of burner phones and ...
Read more

Mom Feels Caught in a Swirl of Confusion: How to Handle This Misunderstanding

Image
A mom shares her sadness over a misunderstanding with her 18-year-old daughter’s boyfriend and his mom. After discussing appropriate behavior at someone else’s house, her daughter misinterpreted the advice and relayed it to her boyfriend, who shared it with his mom, leading to accusations and miscommunication. The mom feels caught in a swirl of confusion and wonders how to handle the situation to restore peace. 1. Start with Empathy for All Parties This situation stems from good intentions all around: You care about teaching your daughter respect and independence. The other mom is trying to enforce boundaries in her home. The kids are navigating a serious relationship while still growing emotionally. Miscommunications are bound to happen with so many perspectives involved. 2. Revisit the Conversation with Your Daughter Your daughter likely shared your talk with her boyfriend because she felt it was helpful. However, it might not have come across as intended. Gently clarify the purpose ...
Read more