My son is 5 years old and incredibly smart..but

 

"My son is 5 years old and incredibly smart—he can do math like 33 x 10 in his head and is starting to read on his own. But yesterday, his teacher, even though she’s been putting him on green (good behavior) every day, said he’s been ‘uncontrollable’ for about two weeks.

She says he doesn’t follow directions, laughs when corrected because he thinks it’s funny, and generally doesn’t take things seriously in class. Now she’s suggesting I take him to a doctor to see if something is ‘going on.’

I mean…isn’t that just being a kid? Being a boy? He’s a big kid for his age—4’8" and 120 pounds—so maybe that makes him harder to manage. But here’s the kicker: everything the teacher says he won’t do at school, he does perfectly fine at home.

We’ve been down this road before with another school that didn’t want to bother working with him. I transferred him to a better school, and with speech therapy, he improved a lot. Now, after moving again, I’m back at a school that seems to prefer suggesting medication over trying to manage a kid’s personality.

I’m not putting my son on meds when he doesn’t need them. What am I supposed to do here?"

My Take:

First off, it’s clear that you’re an engaged and protective parent who wants the best for your son—and that’s awesome. Let’s break this down:

1. Boys Will Be Boys… But Structure Helps

You’re right that some of this behavior sounds like typical 5-year-old boy energy. Kids at this age often struggle with self-regulation and impulse control, especially when they’re smart and easily bored. Laughter and silliness in response to correction? That’s classic “I’m testing boundaries” behavior.

At the same time, schools need structure to function, so it’s important to balance understanding your son’s personality with helping him adapt to classroom expectations.

2. The Big-Kid Factor

At 4’8" and 120 pounds, your son is likely being perceived as older than he is, and that could make his behavior seem more disruptive to the teacher. She might not consciously realize it, but she could be holding him to higher behavioral standards because of his size. That’s unfair, but it’s worth keeping in mind when communicating with her.

3. Medication Isn’t the Only Option

You’re absolutely right to pause before considering medication, especially when you’ve seen him succeed without it in the past. Here’s what you can try before jumping to medical interventions:

  • Behavior Charts: Work with the teacher to create a daily report. Break the day into small chunks (e.g., morning work, recess, circle time) and track specific goals like following directions.
  • Movement Breaks: Big, active kids need to burn off energy. Ask the teacher if she can incorporate small movement breaks or give him tasks like delivering something to the office.
  • Positive Reinforcement: Reward him for small wins, like following directions or sitting quietly during one activity.

4. Advocate for Your Son

Schedule a meeting with the teacher and any relevant staff (like a counselor) to address her concerns. Go in ready to collaborate, not confront, but be firm about your expectations:

  • You want to work together to find classroom strategies.
  • You are not jumping to medication unless there’s a clear medical reason to do so.
  • You’re open to feedback, but you know your son and what he’s capable of.

5. Celebrate His Strengths

Your son is smart, curious, and full of potential. Focus on nurturing those qualities, even if the classroom isn’t the perfect fit for his energy right now. He’s only 5—there’s plenty of time for growth.

Helpful Resources:

  1. "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene – A fantastic book for parents navigating strong-willed kids, available on Amazon.
  2. Understood.org – A resource for learning and attention issues, with tons of strategies for working with schools.

Hashtags:
#ParentingSmartKids, #ActiveKids, #ParentingWins, #BoysWillBeBoys, #RaisingStrongKids, #AdvocateForYourKids, #SchoolChallenges, #ParentingSupport, #SmartAndActive, #ParentingWithLove, #KidsAndEnergy, #ParentingStruggles, #SchoolAdvocacy, #ActiveBoyMom, #ParentingADHD, #RaisingBoys, #ParentingTips, #ChildhoodDevelopment, #RaisingLearners, #ParentingJourney, #StrongWilledKids, #BoysWithPotential, #ClassroomBehavior, #SmartKidsRule, #ParentingConfidently

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