My daughter, a sophomore, lost a dear friend to suicide this week.

 


A Reader Asks:

"My daughter, a sophomore, lost a dear friend to suicide this week. She's devastated. She sees a counselor already, but as her mom, I don’t know how to help her navigate this. It’s just so awful."

The Answer:

First off, I’m so sorry for your daughter’s loss—and for what you’re both going through. Losing a friend at this age is earth-shattering, and it’s natural to feel helpless as a parent. Here’s how you can be her rock right now:

Step 1: Acknowledge the Pain

Let her know it’s okay to feel whatever she’s feeling—anger, sadness, guilt, confusion, or all of the above. Tell her, “I can’t make this better, but I’m here for you no matter what.” Sometimes, just having that space to feel is the biggest gift you can give.

Step 2: Let Her Lead

Don’t force her to talk, but let her know you’re ready to listen when she’s ready to share. Whether it’s over dinner, a walk, or at 1 a.m. when she can’t sleep, be available.

Step 3: Validate Her Grief

Teenagers sometimes think their feelings aren’t “important” enough. Remind her that grief isn’t about age or circumstance; it’s about love and loss. You can say, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to laugh at memories too. It’s all part of healing.”

Step 4: Keep Routine Where Possible

Grief often makes the world feel unstable. Keeping things like school, meals, or even just bedtime consistent can help her feel a sense of control.

Step 5: Encourage Gentle Tributes

She might find healing in small acts of remembrance—writing her friend a letter, creating a photo collage, or lighting a candle. If the school is doing a memorial, encourage her to participate if she feels comfortable.

Step 6: Watch for Red Flags

While some sadness is expected, keep an eye out for extreme withdrawal, sleep changes, or comments that worry you. If you notice anything, don’t hesitate to loop in her counselor immediately.

Books That May Help:

  1. “You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk About Life After the Loss of a Friend” by Lynne Hughes
  2. “The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends” by Helen Fitzgerald

A Note of Light in the Darkness:

At some point, you might remind her that her friend would want her to keep finding joy in life. Maybe it’s a favorite song, a silly memory, or even making a special dessert together in their honor. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering with love.

You’re doing all the right things by being there for her. Take it one day at a time, Mom—you’re not alone in this either. 💕

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