My daughter and her friend are trying to rebuild their friendship after a fight

 


A Reader Asks:

"My daughter and her friend are trying to rebuild their friendship after a fight that caused my daughter to be excluded by kids in their year level. The school counselor and teacher helped them reconnect, but the friend’s nanny seems to be keeping the negativity alive, discouraging their friendship.

I’m worried the nanny’s interference will undo all the progress made. Should I talk to the teachers again, or wait and see what happens after the Christmas break? I don’t want to talk to the parents since I’m unsure what the nanny has been telling them."*

The Answer:

First off, hats off to you for being a calm, level-headed mom in what sounds like a high-drama playdate episode. This isn’t easy, and you’ve handled it like a champ. Here’s how to proceed without adding fuel to the nanny-sized fire:

1. Let the Break Play Out

Hitting the pause button might not be the worst idea. The Christmas break gives everyone space to breathe, regroup, and enjoy the holidays without the schoolyard drama. Sometimes, a little time apart can work wonders for perspective.

2. Keep the Teachers in the Loop

Since the teachers and counselor already helped resolve things, they’re your MVPs here. You don’t need to dive into nanny-gossip territory, but you can casually flag the concern:

  • “I just wanted to let you know that the girls seem to be doing well, but there’s some outside influence making things tricky. I trust you’ll help guide them if anything comes up.”

They don’t need the nitty-gritty nanny drama, just enough to keep their radar up.

3. Empower Your Daughter

Your daughter sounds like a rockstar who moves on quickly and doesn’t hold grudges. Teach her to keep being herself and not let someone else’s negativity pull her down. A simple mantra like, “We can only control how we act, not how others behave,” can go a long way.

4. The Nanny Situation: Channel Your Inner Elsa

When it comes to the nanny… let it go. You can’t control her or her grudge-holding tendencies, but you can lead by example and avoid stooping to her level. If she’s as petty as she sounds, your best move is to rise above and let her dig her own hole.

5. Keep It Positive

Encourage your daughter to focus on friendships that make her feel good. If this particular friendship fizzles out because of external drama, it’s okay. Remind her that not every friendship is meant to last forever, and the right friends will always stick around.

Books to Help Navigate Schoolyard Drama:

  1. “The Caring Child: Raising Empathetic and Resilient Kids in Today’s World” by Christine Carter

    • A great guide for teaching kids how to navigate relationships with kindness and confidence.


  2. “Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades” by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert

    • Perfect for parents dealing with tricky friendship dynamics.


Remember, the nanny may think she’s a mastermind, but this is not an episode of "Real Housewives of Playdates." Let her spin her wheels while you sip some hot cocoa and plan your post-Christmas zen strategy.

Worth a shot? 🎄

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