My 8-year-old daughter has started mouthing off to me. Not her dad, of course—just me

 


A Reader Asks:

*"My 8-year-old daughter has started mouthing off to me. Not her dad, of course—just me.

When I tell her it’s bedtime, she’ll hiss at me like a cat (yes, really) or flat-out say ‘NO.’ She’s only 8, but it feels like I’m getting a sneak preview of the teenage years, and I’d like to cancel this subscription.

What do I do?!"*

The Answer:

Ah, the joys of parenting—a journey where your sweet little angel suddenly turns into a cat auditioning for a role in Mean Girls: The Prequel. Let’s break it down.

1. Why She Hisses at You (and Not Dad)

You’re the safe space. Congrats! You’ve earned the prestigious title of “Person I Can Sass Because I Know You’ll Still Love Me.” It’s weirdly flattering, but also deeply annoying.

2. The Cat Thing: Just No

When she hisses, channel your inner zookeeper.

  • Calmly state: “You are not a cat. You’re a child. And this is not a zoo, it’s bedtime.”
  • Don’t engage in the drama. No yelling, no arguing—just cool, collected mom vibes that say “I’ve handled worse.”

3. Stand Your Ground Without Wrestling a Cat (or an 8-Year-Old)

When she says “NO,” it’s time to set the tone:

  • Firm but calm: “Bedtime isn’t up for discussion. You can go willingly, or you can lose privileges tomorrow. Your choice.”
  • Follow through. Consistency is your new best friend.

4. Proactive Sass Management

To avoid future bedtime battles, set clear expectations ahead of time.

  • Give her a 5-10 minute warning: “Bedtime’s coming. Get ready to wind down.”
  • Offer choices (that you control): “Do you want to read a book or listen to music before bed?”

Kids love feeling in control—even if the choices are rigged in your favor.

Books to Help You Tame the Sass Beast:


  1. “Raising Good Humans” by Hunter Clarke-Fields

    • Teaches mindfulness techniques to help you stay calm and model better behavior.


  2. “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

    • Explains what’s going on in that little cat-brain of hers and how to respond effectively.

Remember:
You’re not dealing with a cat—you’re dealing with a smart, sassy, boundary-testing human. And as frustrating as it is, it’s proof she trusts you enough to show her wild side. You’ve got this, zookeeper.

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