My 4, almost 5-year-old started at a new daycare and befriended the tallest boy in his class.


 A reader asks:

My 4, almost 5-year-old started at a new daycare and befriended the tallest boy in his class. While this kid is mostly nice, things have taken a turn. First, my son reported that his friend smacked another kid on the butt, which I told him was not okay. I reported it to the teacher, who assured me she was handling it. Then, a few days later, the tall kid smacked my son on the butt, which left my son crying. I called the teacher again, brought in a book about boundaries for the class, and suggested they contact the other child’s parents.

Fast forward, my husband shared that a kid was sent home early for smacking my son in the face. The next day, my son got an apology card from the tall kid, which seemed like progress—until my son came home and said the tall kid smacked him on the face AGAIN the same day.

At this point, I’m wondering if this is bullying. Should I talk to the daycare director? I’m also trying to teach my son to stand up for himself because I feel like the tall kid knows my son will cry and not retaliate. I’m exhausted and need advice.

My take:

First of all, good on you for taking immediate action and not letting things slide. It's frustrating when the same issues keep happening, especially when your child is involved. While it's great that you're working with the daycare, it's time to elevate this and advocate harder for your child.

Yes, talk to the daycare director. Make it clear that while you appreciate the teacher’s efforts, the situation has escalated to a level where you need more intervention. Ask what measures they are putting in place to prevent future incidents—like additional supervision or conflict resolution programs. Their response should give you insight into whether this daycare is equipped to handle the issue properly.

Now, about your son. Teaching him to stand up to a bully doesn’t mean teaching him to smack back—it’s about giving him tools to assert himself confidently. Here’s the strategy:

  1. Role-play scenarios: Act out situations where he can practice saying, “Stop it, I don’t like that!” in a loud, confident voice. Make it fun—maybe he pretends he’s a superhero standing up to a villain.

  2. Teach boundaries: Reinforce that his body is his own, and it’s okay to say no or walk away if someone is being mean.

  3. Encourage him to tell an adult: Let him know it’s brave and smart to seek help when he feels unsafe.

As for the tall kid? If he’s a repeat offender even after interventions, that’s a daycare management issue. But it’s also a lesson for your son: sometimes the best way to deal with a bully is to make it clear their actions won’t work anymore—whether that’s saying no firmly or even choosing not to play with them.

Finally, consider a couple of resources to help reinforce these lessons:

Stick to your guns. Bullies thrive when no one challenges them, and you’re already teaching your son how to stand tall—even if he’s not the tallest kid in the room. You’ve got this.

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