My 20-year-old daughter constantly puts me down, insults me, and criticizes me.

 


A Reader Asks...

My 20-year-old daughter constantly puts me down, insults me, and criticizes me. I've tried everything to make her stop, but her behavior is taking a toll on my self-esteem and morale. What can I do? Also, how do I encourage her to get her own place?

Ah, the joys of adult children who think they’ve earned a degree in superiority from the University of Living Rent-Free. First, let’s tackle the insults. Setting boundaries is your best friend here. Next time she lets loose with her verbal jabs, calmly respond with: “I’m not okay with being spoken to like this. If you want to talk, we can do it respectfully.” Then—here’s the kicker—follow through. Exit the conversation if she continues. (Bonus: you’ll have the moral high ground AND some peace and quiet.)

Now, about getting her to move out. Let’s gently remind her that adulthood comes with responsibilities. Start by introducing small doses of reality. Charge rent (even if it’s minimal), ask for contributions to bills, and encourage her to take over some adulting tasks like meal planning or laundry. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about nudging her to see the grass is greener when it’s on her own lawn.

Also, remind her that finding her own place means she can truly embrace her independence—AND decorate her living room without judgment. (That’s a major selling point for some!)

If she’s struggling to envision life solo, suggest she start looking for a roommate or part-time job to make the transition easier. Sweeten the deal with these two great books to empower her (and you!):

  1. "Adulting: How to Become a Grown-Up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps" by Kelly Williams Brown – Perfect for easing into independence.
  2. "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke – A lifesaver for parents trying to navigate tough dynamics.

Take charge of your home and your sanity—because you deserve respect and an empty nest.

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