My 15 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Odd two years puts me through hell.

A Reader Asks 

My 15 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Odd two years puts me through hell. She elopes when she wants, physically fights me, gets high, is extremely promiscuous and could care less about school. She’s been in several mental facilities but nothing helps. A month ago she tried to swerve my car into ongoing traffic, I called the cops and they said there’s nothing they can do since she is a minor. I live in my home in fear, I’m so stressed out. She even got me arrested and told me that the cops will always belive her because she is a minor. Her father is barely active in her life and doesn’t care! I don’t sleep at night I’m in constant fear please any kind words of advice would help me.. I don’t know what to do..

All reactions:

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My Take: 

It sounds like you're dealing with an incredibly difficult and exhausting situation, and first, let me say you're doing everything you can in circumstances that would test anyone. Parenting a teen with ODD and such extreme behaviors is a marathon, not a sprint, and you're here looking for solutions—which says a lot about your strength and love for your daughter.

Let’s talk safety first. If she’s physically violent or putting lives in danger (swerving a car into traffic? Terrifying), document everything. Police and child welfare services often need thorough records before they can intervene effectively. If the local police dismiss your concerns, don’t hesitate to reach out to a lawyer or child advocacy organization for guidance. Your home must be a safe space for you and her.

Now, let’s tackle her behavior and mindset. Teens often act out because they feel untethered and crave independence, even as they reject the responsibilities that come with it. What she’s showing you is a need for boundaries and structure—whether she realizes it or not. One potential avenue? Explore a program like ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps). It could provide the discipline, structure, and mentorship she desperately needs while giving her a sense of pride and accomplishment. ROTC is an avenue that promotes personal growth without being punitive and might even help her build leadership skills.

As for those impulsive, potentially destructive plans some teens might dream up in the quest for freedom (you know, "easy routes to independence"), this is where you step in hard and fast. Make it clear: her worth isn’t transactional, and there are no shortcuts to living a fulfilling, self-respecting life. Redirect her energy to things that build rather than destroy, whether it’s a hobby, job, or even ROTC’s structured activities.

Consider also family therapy—not just for her but for you too. A family therapist can help mediate tough conversations and make her feel heard while helping you set healthy, enforceable boundaries. If she’s already in therapy, discuss adding sessions that focus on family dynamics.

Two great Amazon resources:

1. Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship by Russell A. Barkley – a practical guide to help manage defiance and rebuild your connection.
2. The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene – offers insights into handling intense behaviors.

You’re not alone in this. You’re fighting for her future and well-being, even when it feels like an uphill battle. It’s clear how much you care, and that’s the foundation for any progress. Keep going—she needs you, even if she doesn’t show it right now.