Last night, my almost 17-year-old went to a staff party at his job. When he got home, I smelled alcohol on him

 


A reader asks:

Last night, my almost 17-year-old went to a staff party at his job. When he got home, I smelled alcohol on him and asked him about it. He admitted a coworker snuck in alcohol, and they all had shots in the bathroom. He works about 2 miles from home and drove back under the influence. My husband and I debated calling the cops but ultimately decided not to after our son begged us not to. Now, he’s blaming me for his drinking and driving, claiming he could’ve gotten a ride with a friend if we didn’t have a rule against him driving with friends for the first six months of his license. I told him he could’ve called us, but I’m so upset and don’t know how to handle this.

My take:

First off, let’s acknowledge that this is a doozy of a situation. Parenting teens is like playing emotional chess—every move feels high-stakes, and you’re never sure when a pawn will turn into a knight that gallops off into chaos.

You’re absolutely right to feel upset, but let’s break this down into teachable moments (for him) and deep breaths (for you). The good news is he admitted what happened, which means there’s at least a smidgen of trust left to work with. The bad news? Blaming you for his bad decision is straight-up deflection. That’s Teenager 101—when in doubt, blame Mom.

Here’s a roadmap:

  1. Revisit the Rulebook: The "no driving with friends" rule is solid, but it sounds like your son needs a refresher on the real-world consequences of drinking and driving. Maybe show him statistics about DUIs and accidents involving teens. Let him know this isn’t just about house rules; it’s about keeping him alive.

  2. Natural Consequences: His freedom behind the wheel should take a temporary hit. Ground him from driving for a set period, and during that time, emphasize the importance of trust and responsibility. You can say, “Driving isn’t a right, it’s a privilege—and this privilege has been temporarily revoked because you didn’t respect it.”

  3. Emergency Protocols: Make it crystal clear that he can always, always call you for a ride, no matter the situation. Sure, you might be irritated in the moment, but you’d rather deal with that than plan his funeral.

  4. Accountability, Not Shame: Teens tend to shut down when they feel attacked, so frame this as a learning moment. Something like, “We’re not mad at you for making a mistake. We’re mad at you for endangering yourself and others. Here’s how we can ensure this never happens again.”

  5. Professional Backup: If his response is still deflecting and he doesn’t seem to grasp the gravity of his actions, a session with a counselor or attending a local safe-driving seminar could help. Sometimes hearing it from someone other than a parent carries more weight.

And for you? Pour yourself a cup of tea (or something stronger), give yourself credit for keeping your cool, and remind yourself this is a bump in the road.

Helpful books:

Remember, you’ve got this! Teens are tough, but so are you.

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