Just need to vent. My 14-year-old daughter makes me feel awful

 


A Reader Says:

*"Just need to vent. My 14-year-old daughter makes me feel awful because I can’t give her everything she wants or hand out cash like an ATM. Oh, and she’s embarrassed by our house.

I feel like a complete failure. Is there a club for parents of ungrateful teens? Because I’m ready to sign up."*

The Answer:
Ah, teenagers—the only people on Earth who can make you feel like a broke failure while eating food you paid for in a house you keep running. Let’s dissect this with some humor because honestly, laughter is cheaper than therapy.

1. The Money Issue: “Mom, the ATM”

Somewhere in the Teenager Handbook, there’s a chapter titled “How to Make Your Parent Feel Poor.” Spoiler: it involves asking for things they don’t need and then acting personally victimized when you say no.

  • “Why don’t you just give me $50 for this random thing I’ll forget about in two hours?”
  • Honey, because I don’t have $50. Also, I’m not Jeff Bezos.

Pro tip: Next time she asks for money, hand her a “Mom Bank” loan application. 35% interest. That’ll teach her economics real quick.

2. The House Embarrassment

Your house is probably fine. But to a 14-year-old, unless you live in a Kardashian mansion with a pool shaped like their initials, they’ll find something to be embarrassed about.

  • Oh, the curtains are “weird”? Did she buy them? No.
  • The kitchen isn’t Instagram-worthy? Did she install it? Still no.

Teenagers have the unique skill of critiquing the hand that feeds them, so remind her: “You’re free to buy your own house when you’re grown. Until then, this is what we’ve got.”

3. The “Failure” Feeling

You’re not a failure. Let me repeat that: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
Here’s what you are:

  • Someone raising a hormonal human who thinks TikTok is a life plan.
  • A person doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
  • A mom who is clearly engaged enough to care how her kid feels.

Newsflash: That makes you a great parent.

The next time she complains, try this:

  • Offer to give her everything she wants… but only after she pays your mortgage, utilities, and grocery bill.
  • Tell her you’re considering a new hobby: being “embarrassing on purpose.” Start brainstorming. Matching outfits at her next school event? A megaphone for family dinners?

Books to Help You Feel Less Alone (and Maybe Laugh About It):


  1. “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood” by Lisa Damour

    • A brilliant guide to navigating the stormy waters of raising a teenage daughter.


  2. “How to Raise Successful People” by Esther Wojcicki

    • Offers insights on raising self-reliant and grounded kids (without spoiling them).

  3. “Mom’s Survival Guide to Raising Teens: Laughing, Crying, and Learning” by Becky Kopitzke

    • Because laughter really is the best medicine when it comes to parenting teens.

Worth a Shot?
Teenagers grow up and realize that having a parent who loves and supports them is far more valuable than a fancy house or unlimited spending money. Until then, remember: you’re doing just fine. She just doesn’t know it yet. Hang in there, superhero.

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