I've got a court order in place for supervising contact between my child and their father

 


A READER ASKS...

"Hey guys, I've got a court order in place for supervising contact between my child and their father. Things have been so bloody stressful. I've asked the court to remove myself because I can't cope with the stress! It's always my fault, even when it isn’t. Am I doing the best thing, or do I just seem like a stupid parent as I’m told I am?"

First off, let’s squash this idea that you’re a “stupid parent.” Parenting is hard enough without trying to referee court-ordered contact, which often feels like being shoved into the role of a full-time diplomat—with no training and zero perks. If you're overwhelmed, it doesn't make you a bad parent; it makes you human.

Asking the court to remove you as the supervisor is not a failure. It’s recognizing that this situation is unsustainable for your mental health. When you’re the one supervising, you often get caught in the crossfire, blamed for issues outside your control. No wonder it feels like a no-win situation.

Solutions to Consider:

  1. Request a Neutral Third-Party Supervisor.
    Many courts allow for a professional or another agreed-upon party to oversee visits. This removes you from the stress and ensures interactions are handled objectively.

  2. Document Everything.
    Keep a written log of interactions and incidents. This can help you defend your actions if anyone tries to place unwarranted blame on you.

  3. Therapy or Support Groups.
    For both yourself and your child, talking through this with a counselor can be incredibly helpful. Some groups even cater specifically to parents managing high-conflict custody situations.

  4. Self-Compassion.
    Recognize that stepping back doesn’t mean giving up. Your job as a parent is to protect your child and yourself, and sometimes that means setting boundaries.

Two Recommended Books on Amazon:

When it feels like the world’s against you, remember—you're the only one who can advocate for your peace. You've got this!

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