I’m just so disappointed right now. 😔

 

 I have a soon-to-be 17-year-old son who isn’t a bad kid but is incredibly lazy. He helps around the house minimally and only when asked—he never takes the initiative on his own.

He’s been through countless schools and doesn’t try at any of them. He says he hates school and thinks it’s a waste of time, so he doesn’t bother with it. He’s currently in a homeschool program, but it feels like he’s putting in no effort there either.

I feel like I’ve created this entitlement. I ordered him a gaming PC for Christmas but canceled it because I don’t think he deserves it. He has an iPhone 15, but I just ordered him a basic flip phone from Walmart instead because I don’t think he’s earned such a luxury.

Am I wrong? Has anyone taken everything away from their kids and gone back to basics? What was the outcome? I worry this might backfire, but I need him to understand that life isn’t easy, and he can’t just have nice things without working for them. Any advice is appreciated. ❤️"

My Take:

It sounds like you’re trying to recalibrate your son’s perspective, and that’s a necessary wake-up call for both of you. At 17, he’s on the cusp of adulthood, and if he doesn’t learn accountability now, life will teach him later—and that lesson will be far harsher.

Here’s how to help him man up while still offering support:

1. Lay Down Clear Expectations

  • Tell him that from now on, rewards like nice phones or gaming PCs are tied directly to effort. No effort? No extras. This isn’t punishment—it’s reality.
  • Set achievable goals for him, whether it’s completing assignments in his homeschool program, helping around the house consistently, or finding part-time work.

2. Offer Clear Alternatives

  • If traditional schooling isn’t working, it’s time to consider structured programs that prioritize discipline and life skills:
    • Job Corps: A free government program that offers education, job training, and housing. It’s a great option for teens struggling with traditional school settings.
    • Military School: For families who can afford it or qualify for scholarships, this can provide discipline and structure while still offering an education.
    • Community College Dual Enrollment: Sometimes a change in environment (and a taste of adult responsibility) can motivate kids who hate high school.

3. Strip It Down to Basics

  • You’re not wrong to take away luxuries like the gaming PC or the iPhone 15. Let him earn those things back through his actions.
  • Taking away extras doesn’t mean depriving him of everything. Provide the essentials, but make it clear that the rest is a privilege.

4. Be Prepared for Pushback

  • He may rebel, sulk, or call you unfair. That’s normal, and it’s also proof that he’s being forced to think differently about his actions. Stick to your boundaries and stay consistent.

5. Focus on Life Skills

  • If he hates school, start teaching him skills that will serve him in the real world—budgeting, cooking, job applications, etc. Pairing responsibility with independence can spark a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Outcomes to Expect:

  1. Short-Term Resistance: He won’t love you for this at first. That’s okay—you’re his parent, not his best friend.
  2. Gradual Accountability: With consistency, he’ll start to see that effort equals rewards.
  3. A Stronger Relationship: Once he realizes you’re doing this out of love and not spite, your bond will likely improve.

Helpful Resources:

  1. Job Corps – A free program offering education, job training, and housing.
  2. "Raising Men" by Eric Davis – A guide to teaching boys responsibility and self-reliance, available on Amazon.

Hashtags:
#ParentingTeens, #ToughLove, #RaisingBoys, #ParentingChallenges, #LifeSkillsForTeens, #DisciplineAndRewards, #ParentingWisdom, #AccountabilityMatters, #TeenLifeLessons, #ParentingTips, #JobCorps, #MilitarySchool, #ParentingWithLove, #BuildingResilience, #TeensAndResponsibility, #RaisingMen, #ParentingReality, #RealWorldPrep, #TeachingIndependence, #StrongParenting, #ParentingThroughChallenges, #ToughParentingDecisions, #ParentingWins, #RaisingLeaders, #LifeLessonsForTeens

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