I asked my 18 year old daughter to let the dog

 


A parent is frustrated with their 18-year-old daughter, who ignores requests to care for her own dog, displays disrespectful behavior, and has no responsibilities despite being an adult. The parent feels overwhelmed and seeks advice on establishing healthy consequences and teaching accountability.

First off, let’s recognize that we’ve all been there in some way—whether it’s a teen ignoring chores, a dog wondering why no one loves it enough to let it pee, or us wondering why we ever said, “Sure, let’s get a dog!” Teens are like houseplants that forgot to grow roots; they just assume we’ll always water them. But here’s the thing: if she wants to be treated like an adult, she has to take on adult responsibilities—like keeping the rugs pee-free.

You’re not just managing a teenager here; you’re conducting a masterclass in life skills. Sure, she’s accusing you of yelling (classic deflection), but let’s channel some calm but firm energy. Think Gandalf with Wi-Fi access: "You shall pass… but only if you follow these rules."

My Take

  1. Tie responsibility to privilege: If she wants to keep adult freedoms—her phone, car, or allowance—she must meet basic adult responsibilities. Set clear expectations: "The dog is your responsibility. If I have to remind you more than once, privileges will be temporarily paused."
  2. Natural consequences: If she ignores the dog, make her clean up the mess. Every time. No warnings, no bargaining—just, “Oops, looks like you’ve got a fun chore waiting.”
  3. Weekly “adult” meeting: Sit her down for a brief chat once a week to check in on her responsibilities. Frame it as preparation for the real world, not punishment.
  4. Introduce a chore chart: Yes, she’s 18, but visual accountability can still work wonders. List her tasks and the consequences of not completing them.
  5. Discuss emotional maturity: Remind her that ignoring requests doesn’t make her an adult—it makes her a roommate no one wants.

Recommended Resources:

  1. "How to Raise Responsible Adults: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap" by Julie Lythcott-Haims – A guide to teaching accountability while maintaining a positive relationship.
  2. "Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No" by Dr. John Townsend – Learn to set firm, loving boundaries without feeling guilty.

Adulting starts with letting the dog pee outside, not inside—one responsible step at a time! 🌟

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