Hi All, 27yo Dad and Husband here. Struggling at the moment with some conflict with my wife

 


"Hi All, 27yo Dad and Husband here. Struggling at the moment with some conflict with my wife who is the mother of my son.

Our son (2yo) currently attends daycare 3 days per week whilst my wife works 3 days per week. We’re fortunately in the position where my wife attending work is solely out of choice and not a necessity. I earn decent money, $100k pa she earns $30k pa however we own our house with no mortgage payment.
We also have another child on the way (10 weeks in gestation).
The issue comes from me wanting my wife to stay at home and not go to work. I get some people have to outsource the care and raising of their children due to necessity and high cost of living, both parents need to work to make ends meet etc. However the wife’s objection to staying at home full time is that her mental health would suffer and that by going to work she’s contributing to society and getting a “break.”
My objection to that is that there is no greater contribution to society than raising the next generation, after all I chose to marry this beautiful woman because I knew she’d be a great mother.
If she was to stay home we’d obviously cut the cost of childcare out of our budget which is $7k pa. Meaning that she’s working for little to no financial reward. None of significance to our lifestyle anyway.
And our son wouldn’t be crying almost every morning when I drop him off at daycare because he would rather stay home.
Looking for some advice on how to persuade my wife to come around to the idea or if I’m being totally unreasonable as she seems to think I am when this topic comes up."

My Take: First of all, let’s acknowledge the love and care that’s clearly driving this conflict. You both want the best for your kids, and that’s a solid foundation to build from. But—and I say this with the utmost respect—your wife isn’t just a mom. She’s also a whole human being with her own needs, ambitions, and mental health to consider. A burnt-out, resentful stay-at-home parent doesn’t benefit anyone—not you, not her, and certainly not the kiddos.

Your reasoning about saving money on childcare is practical, but let’s be real: her job is more than just a paycheck. It’s also a chance for her to engage with the world outside the home, feel fulfilled, and maintain a sense of identity that’s not tied solely to being a mother. That mental health "break" she mentioned? That’s crucial, especially with a second baby on the way.

Here’s a thought: What if you reframed the conversation around balance instead of persuasion? Keep daycare for part-time care, but find a way to spend more quality family time when you’re off work. And maybe hire a part-time sitter for those date nights you mentioned—your relationship will thank you. You don’t need to pull her out of work entirely to achieve the nurturing household you both envision.

Helpful Resources:


  1. "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky     – A great resource for balancing roles and responsibilities in a partnership.
  2. Mindful Return – A blog and community for working parents navigating family and career dynamics.

And remember: The goal isn’t to win the argument. It’s to build a family life where everyone thrives—including you and your wife.

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